i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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