We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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