there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
