I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
