Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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