Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
