Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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