I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
