I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
