My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
