last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
