First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
