I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
