seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
