I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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