I heard we made out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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