bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
