closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
