Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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