Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
