i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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