i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
