then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
