You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
