i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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