I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
