i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
