Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
