Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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