If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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