I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
