i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
