You work out of a Hotel?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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