Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
