so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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