I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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