I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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