So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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