Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
