Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
