yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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