if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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