Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
