organizing the empties. That sober.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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