She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
