its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
