I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm just crazy horny about you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
