There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
