He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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