We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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