I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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