we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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