just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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