Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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