Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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