I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
