I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
