I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
