She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
