my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
