oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
vagina is talking i cant
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
