omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
