I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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