You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
