he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
