I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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