He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
